{ open post }

[blaiddydblood]

“I DISPOSED OF DOUBT LONG AGO.”

( x )

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[blaiddydblood]

It's still a bit like seeing a ghost, he has to admit. Dedue had never been one of those to haunt him, similar to Byleth, because he had never actually known for sure whether or not they were dead. He was told - for both - that was likely the case. Yet, here they were alive and breathing before him once more. Most men would be moved to have hope in the face of these so-called miracles.

But Dimitri has never been most men. For better or worse, it seems.

Despite everything, he's still lost to himself in a strange inner turmoil. Dedue was but a brief respite before he was pulled back into the tumultuous currents of his own thoughts. Even now, glancing up at the man as he speaks sees Dimitri's gaze unfocused and hazy like he's looking right through him at first.

Will you speak with me?

If it were anyone else, he would say no. Even though it is Dedue, he's tempted to say no still. What good would speaking do now? After all this time? What does he hope to accomplish?

"Fine," he grumbles, voice hoarse still from constant underuse. "Speak."

[donoteattheweeds]

Part of him is almost surprised that Dimitri has agreed to speak with him. His temper has certainly deteriorated since Dedue left him-- though he is not entirely surprised at that-- and he is sullen, brooding, prone to self-isolation. Even as he agrees to Dedue's request, his tone is begrudging, more akin to the attitude of a surly child than a full grown adult.

There have been instances like this before, where he'd fallen into foul, black moods. Dedue had usually been around to drag him back out of them before they got to this extent, however, where he was neglecting himself so desperately. Apparently Byleth and the others had been unsuccessful at handling him in this state; it's good, then, that Dedue is here to deal with him.

"Please allow me to first apologize for my long absence," he says. "After my kin retrieved me, it was necessary for me to undergo a long recovery to fully convalesce."

If he had been able to, he would have left sooner. But after being left to the tender mercies of Cornelia-- and how mightily displeased she was that the prince she wanted dead had slipped through her fingers-- Dedue had been in no state for a long journey. So much of him needed to be mended, and his kinfolk didn't have any great proficiency in faith magic. He had healed by the grace of medicine and his body's own abilities.

"I would like to ask for your permission to formally resume my previous duties as your vassal and retainer, now that I have returned."

[blaiddydblood]

He's surprised, too, but perhaps there is less of the old him dead than he wants to admit. While Dimitri claims he'd killed his former self in cold blood, one of the men closest to him throughout his life could no doubt recognize that isn't exactly true. He's become a shell of himself, certainly, withdrawn to the darkest corners of his psyche and coming forth only to lash out. This is what happened when there was no one there to help him see reason.

This is what happened when there was no salvation to be found in a fellow tortured soul.

Dimitri listens to him explain in silence. If he were a pious man, he'd believe that Dedue's recovery was nothing short of a miracle. But he isn't, so- "That's it, then? You just want to return to things as they were, as if nothing has changed? As if I haven't changed?" The man grinds his teeth and hisses between them slightly. "If you so wish, then who am I to deny such a thing?"

[donoteattheweeds]

"You have changed," Dedue says, and this is an obvious thing. Dimitri as he is now is not the same man whom he freed from the prisons, but Dedue is also not the same man that rescued him. Such is the nature of time and life. "You have suffered greatly in my absence."

Dedue steps closer, and his voice softens.

"What has not changed is my--" Devotion, ardor, love, in every way that a man can love. Were someone to cut him open, they would find Dimitri's name engraved in the muscle of his heart, immutable. "--dedication to you and to your goals. If I am to aid you in your ambitions, is there a better place for me to be than at your side, as your sword and shield?"

Close to him again, despite the... complications that his biology might impose. But if he is to help His Highness, if he is to pull him from the darkness that he has sunk into over these past few years, he must again be the stalwart and unwavering support that Dimitri had once relied upon. He would just also have to rely upon his own unyielding willpower to maintain control of himself. To not allow himself to be affected by base desires, and ones that would be above his station even were they not at war.