blaiddydblood | ic inbox { amani }

[ Dimitri does appreciate that. He will let Felix have his piece, of course, but wants to make sure he's explaining things as clearly as possible. ]

Ah, the professor who taught the Black Eagles... I've never met one though I do know of that version existing. There was a female Byleth here for a time but she had led the Golden Deer. [ There have been many a number of them here, now gone, and Edelgard was actually among them. ]

Either way, that sounds like what I was led to believe transpired. A bit ironic though that in my recollection of events, I tried to extend my hand to Edelgard only for her to refuse.

I suppose our convictions were too strong, in the end, to allow for co-existence.

You could have, if you'd just--

[The frustrated outburst cuts itself off just as abruptly as it comes from him.]

...You're different, from the Dimitri I knew.

You have. Less of a mask. I've seen it, watching you.

[ ... Maybe he could have, he thinks.

After all, the Edelgard and him got along just fine without the tethers of war binding them. ]

I suppose after a year and some change, that would be inevitable. I am sorry though the one you knew was... closed off from you, in that case.

No, you don't get it, you...

[...Don't pretend the beast isn't there, isn't part of you, he doesn't say. Don't pretend like you're not dying inside, like the kingdom and its self-sacrificing obsession isn't killing you as much as it's killing your people.]

...Nevermind. This was a mistake.

[ It is. Dimitri knows this now, yes, but plans to work on things in his own way. ]

I am trying to understand, Felix. Do you think I don't...? [ A deep, sad sort of sigh. ]

I know you have your reasons for leaving. Agreeing with her, even. I know. And I don't fault you for that for a moment.

[A long, long silence.]

I thought if I cut out the rot in our kingdom, it would save you. But you were the king. You died with it. There was...

[His voice is thick.] There was no other fucking way.

[ 'You died with it.'

That much is true. Would he always, in the instance of Edelgard winning the war...? ]

There might be, [ he says, tired. ] Byleth and I... We have made plans for the future. To allow me to see that rot eradicated and be able to live our lives, along with everyone else, freely someday.

What future? We're dead.

So they said in the beginning, yes, but it's not quite that simple.

We can - and have - restored worlds through our efforts here. Eventually, the goal is to restore our own.

Am I supposed to be happy about that? Am I supposed to be happy that I get to go back to my world, where I have no home, no friends, the only purpose I have is to kill monsters and bandits, and the only reason I haven't fallen on my own blade is because then I'd have to admit that I'm the one responsible for all of my misery?

[A pause interrupted only by Felix's ragged breathing.]

...Fuck.

[He kills the call.]

Felix, you misunderstand me-

[ Dimitri tries to interject. But it's too late since he hears the click and following dead air that signifies him ending the call.

Part of him wants to seek out the other man immediately, like he might have before, but another part knows that it might be best to give him some space. He can try to re-explain when emotions aren't so high. ]

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CW suicidality

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